NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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