your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
