Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
