Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize