I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
from now on my penis is your penis
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
