Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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