Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
