I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize