Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
