Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
