I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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