I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
