Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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