Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
