So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
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I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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