I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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