...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
