Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
