i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
