he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
