honey bunches of taint.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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