I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize