that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
