What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Rumble strips road head = magical
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dicks are not precious.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
