real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
