Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
