I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
