Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
