So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
