I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
