i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My vagina is very pro this idea
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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