this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When are your genitals available?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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