How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
