You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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