If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
