You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
