I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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