onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
