You work out of a Hotel?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
