She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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