You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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