apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
