And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
