The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
