Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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