Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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