Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
