How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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