Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
is that a dick in a sweater?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
