Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Too much gin, very little bucket
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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