whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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