I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's never too late to be topless.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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