I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
