I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA