I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
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my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Tornado booty call.. dedication
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.