i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
