when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.