I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My bed smells like the plague
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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