this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Randomize
