What did we do last night that was yellow?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
