the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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