And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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