His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't deserve a penis
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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