The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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