This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
