I'm eating all of the evidence.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
