It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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