Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
