he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
