At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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