The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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