we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
