and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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