PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
