If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
