cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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