Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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