Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
