She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
